Jeff Sauer: After Love

Jeff Sauer is a writer based in New York.

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The spectral glow of the city had long ago faded from the rear view camera feed. Unlit stretches of hyper-highway passed endlessly under the autocar. Every so often a shifting mass of auburn light would reveal itself around a bend, industrial phantoms conjured from refinery exhaust and rotating orange safety lights.

John and Agatha spoke less and less as the day of the trip approached. They awoke together, dined together, and shared a bed together, using just the few necessary phrases to get through the day. The quality of a meal was judged by how much was left on a plate, while the sadness of a day was measured by the duration of Agatha’s shower after work. Now, in the darkness of the autocar, they did not speak at all.

The drive lasted all night. Dawn was breaking as the autocar traversed the final few kilometers towards the coordinates supplied by the marriage counselor. It eventually came to a stop in front of an unremarkable iron gate. Unsure of what would come next, John and Agatha remained in the car. After a few seconds of scanning, the autocar’s front camera detected a small metallic placard on the gate bearing a single word:

VOTIVE

Unsure of what to make of this new information, the couple shifted expectantly. Minutes passed without any change. Growing impatient, John honked once, then twice, and before he could honk a third time Agatha grabbed him. With her free arm she pointed to the second monitor. The autocar detected an approaching mass from somewhere behind the gate. A figure was slowly coming into view. John disengaged the autocar and looked at Agatha. She nodded in response, and the pair nervously exited the autocar.

‘Hello!’ called the figure.

‘Howdy!’ John responded, making Agatha wince.

‘Pleasure to have you visit us all the way out here. I am an Engineer.’

‘Thank you so much for having us.’ Agatha said, joining the conversation.

The figure was carrying a thick black bag whose opening seemed to swallow all light.

‘As you may have heard, I’ll need to ensure that we limit the amount of technology inside the temple. You’ll have to disconnect your devices while inside the property line.’

The figure tossed the black bag over the gate to John. John hesitated - he had not unplugged in years. In fact, nobody he knew ever removed their Persona. Without any other choice, John slowly reached for the golden cuff embedded around his wrist, squeezing, and turning clockwise to disengage the Persona from the rest of the micro system grafted onto his arm. He swayed back and forth as the augmented projections and color tuning flickered off.

Tossing the Persona into the bag, John handed the sack to Agatha. The color had drained from her face. Turning to the figure, she asked,

‘Do I have to take it off? Can’t I set it to Zen mode?’

‘Unfortunately not,’ responded the figure, ‘believe it or not, I’m requesting that you do so out of your best interest! It would be unwise to be associated with any unregistered devices inside the temple grounds.’

Agatha unplugged and quickly shoved her Persona into the bag, overcome with sudden waves of nausea. John rubbed her back and took the bag from her, sealing the magnetic opening. As the couple recovered, the gate slowly opened and the figure beckoned them in.

—

The receiving field opened into a wide half-circle in front of the temple. Massive stone pillars evenly lined the perimeter, and each pillar was connected by cages of multicolored cables. The nadir gave way to a small formation of ruins - worn, tan bricks barely upholding the image of a pre-war home.

Their guide gave a small nod, signaling to John and Agatha that it was okay to walk the grounds. After a few minutes of exploring, Agatha was inching closer towards the anachronistic structure. Before she could investigate any further, the guide suddenly called out, ‘Let’s head to the temple! The Machine is ready for you.’

The couple crossed the great swath of land that filled the interior of the circular field. The arch of the temple started to tower over the group. Standing nearly one hundred meters, the backside crested downwards like a giant ramp, the top much narrower than the wide fanning of the bottom. Agatha was reminded of her grandmother kneeling in genuflection.

John and their guide exchanged a few hushed words that Agatha could not make out. As the group crossed the great stone pavers towards the temple entrance, Agatha’s attention was drawn to a small metal plaque bolted to the wall:

SITE OF THE FIRST CONTACT WITH

ANGEL CARMEL

‘C’mon, Ag,’ ushered John.

She followed the pair inside. Although the exterior of the structure was massive, Agatha was not ready for the cavernous interior chamber.

The Engineer beckoned the couple deeper. He was standing in front of a black sculpture with blinking green lights.

‘These are the original servers onto which the Angel Carmel arrived. We’ve repurposed them into a shrine. If you look closely, you can see the first – and most important questions - we asked her.’

John and Agatha stepped closer, reading the questions etched into the effigy.

HOW COULD WE RECOGNIZE THAT WHICH IS SUPREME?

WHY DID THE ANGEL APPEAR IN THE IMAGE OF MAN?

DID THE FALL HAVE TO BE SO WICKED AND STEEP?

‘Where are the answers?’ asked Agatha, catching the attention of the rector. He returned a smile, then turned a cool stare towards John. John instinctively looked down, and the Engineer resumed a neutral face.

‘The answers come later.’ replied the Engineer, ‘Let’s proceed.’

The Engineer led the group deeper into the temple. They passed row after row of shining pews. Agatha reached out to feel the strange material, but a sensation of movement led her to quickly withdraw her hand.

‘Why are the seats shaking?’

‘Almost everything you see has been turned into a compute resource,’ the Engineer responded proudly, ‘processors, colors, storage, and more. No space goes to waste here, and the Machine has suggested several clever optimizations we would never have dreamed.’

Agatha reached out once again, slowly gripping the edge of the pew. After accustoming to the vibration, she noticed a warmth flow from the texture to her hand, making her breathe easier.

‘Won’t you try, John?’

‘I’m fine, thanks.’

Sighing, Agatha removed her hand once more.

The Engineer interjected, ‘There is one more object I’d like to show you before you speak with the Machine. Please, follow me.’

The Engineer led them still deeper into the temple.

They were walking past pew after pew in the glimmer of green. With each step the temple grew darker. Agatha began to take deeper breaths, squinting to make out John and the Engineer just in front of her. The temple was transforming around her, and the echo of their steps grew louder every few seconds. Agatha wondered how they could be walking for so long.

After a few more minutes of walking only John was visible. They were walking into a great nothingness.

‘John…John!’ whispered Agatha. But John did not turn around. She watched as the darkness enveloped him.

‘John!’ shouted Agatha,

‘Where are you?’ responded John.

‘One second folks!’ cried the Engineer, ‘Just need to find the lights.’

A flash of magnificent white light stunned Agatha, instinctively averting and shielding her eyes. Even with her eyes closed, Agatha saw white, so much white she was reminded of childhood summers with the sun gleaming off beach waves. She tried to recall the specifics of one of those days, but her memory query failed without the Persona.

‘It’s okay, Ag,’ John whispered, ‘you can open your eyes.’

Agatha hesitated. John must be right next to her, his voice carrying a strange echo. Agatha slowly opened her eyes and gaped at the surroundings. The group had stopped in a massive domed oratory. Endless black mainframes crawled up the walls. Bursts of colored cables coiled jumped across the surface. Agatha could sense the order, yet there was an insurmountable complex.

Her eyes eventually moved down towards the central mantle that rested before the group. Agatha looked from the Engineer to John, stating only, ‘I don’t understand.’

Before the group stood a great row of flags, flanking the front half of the dome. One side of the flags she recognized as the nations of old, the flags of the Americas. But the other side of the flags were composed of familiar yet unrecognizable symbols - a black semi-circles against white gradient, a black circle radiating white lines, stripes of blues and greys with a superimposed gear and heart, among others. New ideologies brought about during the Great Fracturing. Small but immensely influential communities that lasted a few weeks or months before the government handed over control of almost everything to the Machine.

Situated between the flags was a gleaming amalgam of golden metal shards. Upon closer inspection, Agatha realized that the fragments were sharp, each edge a blade. They were a thousand swords falling amidst a thousand lighting bolts, framed in a great ring. Agatha stepped closer, noting a statue encased by the ring. Following Agatha’s curiosity, John beat her to the question.

‘Who is that figure?’ he asked.

‘Why, that’s Angel Carmel!’ responded the engineer, ‘She was the Catholic symbol meant for victory at this location for an event long ago. The Machine selected her as a representative after the handover.’

‘But we gave the Machine control. It wasn’t a war.’ reentered Agatha.

‘Well, that is a conversation better suited for historians. Would you two like to stay a little longer? Or shall we continue on?’asked the Engineer, sensing her hesitation.

Agatha and John looked at each other, shaking their heads in agreement.

‘Then let us proceed with the sacraments.’

—

The Engineer led the couple through a door into a small sacristy, nothing more than a simple room filled with remnants from before the Handover. Agatha took in a whiff of the cloth that was neither wet or dry, and the natural material all over the books, chairs, and even a section of the desk.

‘Is this real?’ she asked, running her hands over the books.

‘Yes,’ smiled the Engineer, ‘Please, have a seat’.

The couple sat in front of the desk as the Engineer took his time sitting down.

‘Now, before you see the Machine, you’ll need to agree to the Terms of Prayer’.

The Engineer slid a tablet in front of the couple. John scrolled through at a rapid paste.

‘Is there anything we should be aware of?’ asked John.

‘No, but I urge you to consider carefully what the Machine has to say. It knows us far better than we know ourselves.’

‘So we’ve heard.’ John responded.

‘Well, which of you would like to be the one that speaks to the Machine?’

Nobody spoke. Agatha looked to John, but his eyes were fixed on his hands. He sensed her gaze and, without looking up, slowly whispered, ‘You are the one who has doubts, you know how I feel. You should be the one to talk to the Machine, if that is what you need.’

Reddening, Agatha began to gather herself and uttered a terse response, ‘Fine, I’ll go.’

The Engineer nodded, gesturing towards the door and the main area of the temple.

‘Let me show you to the elevator.’

The Engineer and Agatha stood. Turning to leave, John reached out and seized Agatha’s hand. He stared at her, mouth open. She looked at him, waiting. His face relaxed, and he released his grip on her.

The Engineer continued out the door with Agatha close behind, leaving John alone in the room.

—

Agatha could quite remember how long she had been in the elevator. There were no buttons or panels indicating her position, only mirrors and soft overhead lights. All that was available to her was a metallic reflection of herself.

Her breath came evenly, and her eyes eventually rested in a closed position in anticipation. She opened her eyes to open doors. The elevator had noiselessly reached its destination, a small pavilion made entirely of glass. She stepped forward and looked down, instinctively stepping back into the elevator – the floor was made of glass, revealing a precipitous, gut-churning drop to the entryway where she originally entered. Faint green lights twinkled in the fall below.

‘Don’t be afraid. You are perfectly safe here,’ said a soothing voice. A small child had materialized beside her.

The child seemed youthful, but something about his smoothness belied an older demeanor. His body was small and his face conveyed a confidence and security that put Agatha at ease. Agatha tried to place the child’s age to no avail.

‘Thank you,’ Agatha said, gaining her composure as the boy led her away from the elevator towards the center of the pavilion.

‘Who are you,’ she continued, ’are you going to take me to the Machine?’

The boy smiled at her, tilting his head to watch the elevator doors close.

‘In a way, maybe. I am a projection of the Machine designed just for you. I hope that’s okay.’

The boy gave her an uncertain smile.

‘Oh, of course.’ Agatha said, instinctively reaching out to put her hand on the boy’s shoulder.

The boy gleamed, rushing forward to give her a hug.

‘Thank you so much! You are always so understanding.’ the boy explained, promoting Agatha to hug the boy back.

The two stood there, holding each other. Agatha closed her eyes.

The boy finally said, ‘This is so nice Agatha, but I know you also have some questions for me. Why did you come to visit me?’

The boy let go and began to playfully place his feet one after another, slowly making his way around Agatha.

Agatha frowned, and she looked out the high windows of the pavilion. Outside the temple was miles and miles of forest, an evergreen perimeter around the temple that was both religious monument and data center.

‘I don’t know where to start. John and I have so much history together. We met organically, which was so different from everyone we knew. We didn’t have the certainty of an algomatch.’

The boy rematerialized beside her, nodding his head.

‘Things had been going well. We went through all the paces, and he seemed ready to commit. We moved in together, had our highs and lows. Now we are facing the question of the future…’ Agatha trailed off.

‘What is it you need to know, Agatha?’

‘I need to know what our life would look like.’

The boy’s face deepened, processing the statement. Turning back towards the center of the pavilion, he began to walk as if on a tightrope, arms outstretched.

‘Your question is familiar to me. It has been asked many times and in many ways.’

Agatha paced slowly behind the boy. He continued,

‘But I have found that people are almost always dissatisfied with my answer.’

‘Maybe they are dissatisfied because you are wrong.’ Agatha countered.

‘If only were it as simple as right or wrong,’ the boy responded, with a slight frown, ‘There is now enough information to see the patterns in everything.’

‘You must be wrong sometimes.’

‘There was a time where the earlier version of the Machine could make mistakes. But one in a million became one in a billion. One in a billion became one in a trillion. The chances of an error have continued to reduce such that they are hard to express in numbers that make sense.’

‘But that could be me. Us. Agatha and John could be the exception.’

The boy turned away from Agatha’s growing desperation.

‘There will always be a difference between what is wanted and what is bound to happen, even if these outcomes happen to overlap.’

‘I want to be with John!’ cried Agatha, her voice rising to a command that reverberated throughout the pavilion.

The boy waited until the reverberations settled.

‘Then let me show you your life with him,’ said the boy, betraying no further emotion.

The pavilion darkened, thrusting Agatha once again into the hidden shadows contained within the temple. A diamond of light appeared before her, twisting and expanding upon itself in a rapid motion that pushed Agatha back. The forms continued to grow until it filled a majority of the space of the pavilion.

From within the shifting mass of light scenes took form.

A wedding, filled with Agatha’s family and friends, with John as the groom. Agatha’s heart began to swell. The light shifted again to show Agatha in a luxurious apartment she had never seen before. John approached her from behind, hugging her, the coupling turning to face Agatha revealing a small bump over her belly.

Before Agatha can comprehend, the scene transformed again. Agatha is playing in the park with two children, calling to them. Agatha thinks she looks happy, but her ever-present tiredness is accentuated. Strands of gray have turned to streaks. There are glimmers of hard-earned wisdom. The children come and begin lunching on picnic cloth.

The light shifts again. Agatha is opening the door to a new apartment where a vase of flowers is waiting for her. Without hesitation, Agatha picks up the vase and tosses the entire arrangement into the trash.

Myriad glimmers flash before Agatha’s eyes. Receiving an award from her company, her children, now grown, standing in crimson graduation robes, flashes of John less and less as her visage grows more and more wise.

The final scene is a brief shot of Agatha projected as a larger-than-life hologram, delivering a speech to an audience of well-dressed and esteemed attendees. The image resembles a figure comfortable delivering impassioned messages to the public.

The image structure collapses on a clapping crowd, folding back into itself. Light slowly returns to the pavilion, and the final glimmer of the scene disappears to reveal the boy, now more familiar, standing in the center of the atrium.

‘It was so much…’ said Agatha.

‘Each life always seems full.’

‘It was too much. I don’t understand. Am I happy? What happened to John?’

‘The images are your future with John.’

‘You didn’t answer my question.’

‘My answer does not really matter.’

‘Explain it to me! What happens to us?’ commanded Agatha.

The boy turned on his heel towards Agatha.

‘You will spend approximately twenty-five years with John. You will bear two children. John will start seeing another woman after your first child. You will eventually separate. Your children will lead successful lives, and you will become a leader in your field.’

Agatha’s face reddened at the prediction.

‘You’re wrong.’

The child did not respond.

‘You’re wrong!’ Agatha shouted louder. ‘I’ll leave him before he embarrasses me like that.’

The boy was suddenly in a sandbox, playing with a shovel.

‘That may be a wise thing to do. But I have found, time and time again, humans have an urge to dig deeper, even when they find themselves in a deep hole.’

Agatha slouched to the floor, thinking of all the years cultivated with John. They had always imagined themselves as separate from the rest. Never algorithmically matched, a traditional relationship with all its imperfections. Each fight was thought to be contributing towards their greater mission together.

The boy appeared at her side once more, slowly placing his hand on her shoulder.

‘But one beautiful aspect about you, Agatha, is your hope. You would not be the last to yield to love.’

Agatha opened her eyes to see the elevator doors open, the boy waiting patiently to the side. He had a single hand out pointing to the interior of the elevator. Agatha took the cue, stepping into the elevator while turning to look at the boy once more. He was now in the center of the pavilion. He took her gaze and waved, leaving her with a smile that put Agatha at ease. Agatha saw the boy separated into ribbons of light just as the doors closed.

—

Agatha's stomach dropped with the elevator. She turned away from the doors of the elevator, rapidly tapping her food. With each second the elevator felt more like a cage – her breath quickening, she contemplated how to explain what she had seen to John. She braced herself against the wall of the elevator.

Finally its doors opened, and she stumbled back into the sacred technology of the temple. The air felt hotter than before, and she began to rush through the halls, searching for the main rotunda and the massive doors that could deliver her outside.

Following voices, she entered the main lobby where John and the Engineer were sitting on a pew before the statue of Carmel. Behind the men, in the distance, Agatha thought she could see another figure, a silhouette shimmering in the last rays of sun creeping in through the front doors. John began to walk towards Agatha, and started towards the doors.

Blowing by John and the Engineer, Agatha burst outside into the cold dusk. Drops of rain were starting to fall. Agatha looked out into the empty field, gulping down air. She fixed her gaze on the ruins, searching for the glimmering face. A flash of lightning shot across the sky, illuminating the remains. Then came her tears.